“I’m sorry, could you run that by me one more time,” the red and black clad figure known as Deadpool said. He was currently in the regal offices of one, Geoffrey Attenborough, the creator of the prehistoric theme parks the mercenary currently found himself in.
“It’s simple really, I need something to keep the people coming in to my brilliant park and you happened to discover it for me. So, I’m graciously giving you the opportunity to help me capture Mr. Lykos.” The older man continued to leave his hand out for a shake but quickly placed it back by his side when he realized this might take more convincing.
“You’re talking about that Sauron guy, right? You want to capture him and make him some new exhibit? I’ve done some pretty fucked up things but that takes the cake. He’s a human!”
“Perhaps but is it really any different than prison? Sure, I stand to gain from this, but the world at large also gains by being safe from his brand of terror. You’d be doing a noble thing, Mr. Wilson.” Seeing that he still was not convinced, Geoffrey sighed and gave one last offer. “Of course, you’ll be paid handsomely for this. I am a man of wealth and I pay very well.”
Suddenly, all the thoughts in Deadpool’s head shifted as he met the eyes of Attenborough and asked a single question. “How much are we talking about?”
Attenborough smiled and whispered into the man’s ear. The figure was enough to make Deadpool immediately shake his hand vigorously. “Just so we’re clear, this is contingent on you capturing Karl Lykos and bringing him into our custody. We have files of research we have found on him if you’d like to look those over while forming your plan of attack. It’s really quite fascinating, he appears to transform only when- “
“Yeah, whatever, not really interested,” Deadpool interrupted. “Where’s your arsenal? I know you have to have some pretty good stuff if you can get a helicopter. I’ve been trying to get one of those for years.”
The older man grimaced upon being cut off but quickly morphed back into a, too polite, smile. “Ah yes, my associate, Ms. Devoir, will show you to our weapons cache, it should have everything you need.”
“You mean the stiff who dragged me to see you?” He asked, his excitement fading.
“Ms. Devoir is very serious about her work and will ensure that your mission is a complete success for both of us.”
“Alright fine,” Deadpool relented. “I just have one more question,” he turned back to looked at Attenborough, clearly attempting to make this as dramatic as he possibly could, “do I get my stuff?”
“It’s simple really, I need something to keep the people coming in to my brilliant park and you happened to discover it for me. So, I’m graciously giving you the opportunity to help me capture Mr. Lykos.” The older man continued to leave his hand out for a shake but quickly placed it back by his side when he realized this might take more convincing.
“You’re talking about that Sauron guy, right? You want to capture him and make him some new exhibit? I’ve done some pretty fucked up things but that takes the cake. He’s a human!”
“Perhaps but is it really any different than prison? Sure, I stand to gain from this, but the world at large also gains by being safe from his brand of terror. You’d be doing a noble thing, Mr. Wilson.” Seeing that he still was not convinced, Geoffrey sighed and gave one last offer. “Of course, you’ll be paid handsomely for this. I am a man of wealth and I pay very well.”
Suddenly, all the thoughts in Deadpool’s head shifted as he met the eyes of Attenborough and asked a single question. “How much are we talking about?”
Attenborough smiled and whispered into the man’s ear. The figure was enough to make Deadpool immediately shake his hand vigorously. “Just so we’re clear, this is contingent on you capturing Karl Lykos and bringing him into our custody. We have files of research we have found on him if you’d like to look those over while forming your plan of attack. It’s really quite fascinating, he appears to transform only when- “
“Yeah, whatever, not really interested,” Deadpool interrupted. “Where’s your arsenal? I know you have to have some pretty good stuff if you can get a helicopter. I’ve been trying to get one of those for years.”
The older man grimaced upon being cut off but quickly morphed back into a, too polite, smile. “Ah yes, my associate, Ms. Devoir, will show you to our weapons cache, it should have everything you need.”
“You mean the stiff who dragged me to see you?” He asked, his excitement fading.
“Ms. Devoir is very serious about her work and will ensure that your mission is a complete success for both of us.”
“Alright fine,” Deadpool relented. “I just have one more question,” he turned back to looked at Attenborough, clearly attempting to make this as dramatic as he possibly could, “do I get my stuff?”
Issue #5 by Liam Goncet
January 2018
January 2018
"Dinosaur Island - Part Two"
The armory was located inside of the, much larger, warehouse that made up the headquarters of the Dinosaur Island security team. The warehouse itself was filled with various monitors and at least two dozen people were typing away on computers as they watched for any suspicious activity. The place had an air of professionalism to it that immediately made Wade uneasy.
“Do you ever feel dirty?” Deadpool asked as he followed the reactionless, head of security, Esme Devoir.
“If this is your idea of a joke, Wilson, I don’t want to hear the punchline.”
“No, I mean, do you ever feel like you’re doing something bad just for some quick cash?” She didn’t respond which prompted him to continue on. “I don’t know, capturing someone so that they can be an attraction in a theme park just doesn’t seem like justice.”
“Probably best to not dwell on it,” was all he got in reply. “Besides, we’ve made it to the armory.”
The armory was a large room filled with an assortment of weapons, mostly firearms, walls were lined with pistols, shotguns, rifles and almost anything easily acquirable. Wade’s focus, however, immediately went to the pair of katanas that sat in the corner.
“Oh, my sweet babies, daddy has missed you very much.” Deadpool said as he ran over and scooped up his swords, placing them on his back before grabbing the belt that held his holstered pistols and a few “emergency” grenades. “Finally, I feel whole again.”
“How touching,” Esme deadpanned as she took a pistol from off the wall. “So, what was your plan?”
A brief silence was enough to convince her but Deadpool made it clear with words, “uh…plan? I…don’t normally do…that. I’m sort of a ‘figure it out in the moment’ guy.”
“Why am I not surprised,” Esme turned to face Deadpool. “The fact is Sauron is a big threat for two people to tackle alone. If we don’t go in with a plan we could easily die. Well, I could.”
“Look, your boss hired me because he obviously has faith in my abilities but if having a plan is going to make you feel better,” Deadpool strolled over to Esme and laid a hand on her shoulder. “You think of one and let me know how it goes.”
A fist rocketed itself into Deadpool’s jaw and sent him reeling backward. “Fine then, no plan, I look forward to using you as a human shield.” Esme yelled as she gathered the last of her supplies and stormed out the door.
“Glad we’re in agreement then,” Deadpool shouted back upon resetting his jaw.
# # # # #
It had been an hour since the duo set off in search of Sauron and they had scoured the entirety of the park finding no signs of the mutated scientist.
“Well, we’ve wasted over an hour now when I told you from the start that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back into the park.” Esme stated, frustration clear in her voice.
“Hey, it was worth a shot. Just because he’s some smart scientist guy doesn’t mean he wouldn’t come back to a place teeming with guards looking for him. I mean, if he was really smart he’d have figured out that pterodactyl thing by now.”
“Whatever, what are we going to do now? I suggest taking one of the boats and checking for him on nearby land. He probably didn’t go too far.”
“Uh…yeah, you go ready the boat, I’m gonna keep looking around.” Deadpool said as he kept his glance away from Esme.
“Do you think I’m an idiot? What about anything you have done so far would make me believe that I could trust you on your own?”
“Okay, I’m gonna ignore these hurt feelings for a second and mention that I just saw Sauron flying overhead.” He said, pointing out to the skyline but nothing was there. “Okay…I swear he was just there!”
Esme stared up at the sky and then back to Deadpool, “If you are lying, I will find the most painful ways to murder you.”
“I am not lying about this let’s go get the boat!” Deadpool began running westward as Esme chased after him.
“Hey, you don’t even know where the boats are.” The words came out of her mouth and back around to her ears as she realized the deception. Esme picked up the pace and chased after him. “I’m going to kill you, Wade Wilson!”
# # # # #
“There has to be a way to free these creatures.” Karl Lykos spoke only to himself, the tattered remains of his clothing hanging loosely from him. He sat in a small cavern off of the coast of the island attempting, in vain, to think of a plan. “I can’t go back into the park without being noticed, perhaps I should call in a favor from the other Mutates-“ his thinking was cutoff as he looked to the entrance of the cavern. “I know you are here, mutant, please leave.”
“Well, so much for my cool entrance,” Deadpool said as he walked into the entrance of the cave. “Look, I’m not here to stop you. I mean, I will if you pull that pterodactyl stuff, but I want to help you.”
Lykos backed up further into the cavern as the mercenary approached, “y-you want to help? Fine, help by leaving. I told you before, only terrible things will come from you hanging around me.”
“Wow, that’s pretty rude. Look, you want to free these dinosaurs, I get that.” Deadpool reached into his spandex pants before pulling out a small device with a switch on it. “I led that security chick around the park and placed explosives on some of the cages when she wasn’t watching. Give me the go ahead and I can free all of them.”
Lykos stared back at Deadpool in disbelief, “are you insane?! You can’t…use that in a crowded park…”
“No need to freak out, Karl, or Sauron or whatever you prefer, we don’t have to blow these bad boys until the park closes for the night.” Concerned, Deadpool moved closer into the cavern. “Hey, are you alright, you look all pale and sweaty. Kind of like you did right before…”
“Are you…seriously this stupid…how can you not know?” Lykos asked as he clutched at himself and backed into the cavern wall. “No time to explain…need to leave…before Sauron.”
Suddenly, a bullet lodged itself into Deadpool’s chest as he staggered forward a bit before turning around.
“That’s for leading me around like a damn chimp,” Esme declared as she pointed the gun at Lykos. “Now then, Deadpool, Mr. Lykos is correct, you need to leave before-“
“There is no before, I have arrived!” Sauron declared as Lykos transformed into the prehistoric creature.
“Great job, Devoir, I had this under control until you showed up.” Deadpool shouted standing back up to face the beast. “Listen, if you’re gonna attack anyone, attack her.”
Sauron let out a screech and flew themselves towards Deadpool scooping him up with their feet and causing the masked assassin to drop the small device as it fell, switch first, on the ground.
“Well, should have seen this coming. Why do they always make explosive switches so big and easy to set off?” Deadpool mused as a low rumble shook the roof of the cave.
“Wilson, what the hell did you do!?” Esme shouted as she fired her weapon at Sauron. The creature’s large wings pushed her into the wall as the beast flew out of the cavern, Deadpool still in its grasp.
“Boy, this is a real déjà vu scenario, eh?” Deadpool yelled as he pulled one of his arms free from Sauron’s grip. “The only difference is this time I’ve got weapons.” Pulling one of his pistols from its holster, the mercenary plugged his entire clip into the beast. Sauron roared and loosened their grip on the mutant, allowing him to fall onto the beach below.
The source of the earlier rumbling was now clear as smoke billowed from the park gates, panicked screams could be heard from within, mixed with the ear-popping roars of various prehistoric relics, once captive and now freed.
“Well, this has taken a turn,” Deadpool mused as he dusted himself off and turned to face Sauron, who was doubling back in his direction. “Listen, do we have to do this still? You got what you wanted, the dinosaurs are free…kind of. I’ll be honest I didn’t actually think through this plan outside of the explosion part. I figured you’d deal with that.” Drawing his katanas, the merc sliced at the approaching creature sending them reeling upwards at the last minute.
“Idiot, have you learned nothing, I am not the same as that fool Karl Lykos.” Sauron turned back around and raced towards his target as he spoke.
“Wait…you guys are different personalities? Wow, in retrospect, that makes way more sense than what I was thinking.” Deadpool ran to meet the Pteranodon, sliding at the last moment to get under and past the flying creature. “Just a hair too slow, Sauron, old chum.” Deadpool shouted back as he ran for the park, still engulfed in smoke and flame. Rushing past crowds of tourist as they hurriedly made their way out of the park, Deadpool ran into the entrance of the park, past the now desecrated gates and past the security, who were currently attempting to hold back some of the small dinosaurs. “Heads up, folks, large pterodactyl coming our way.” Deadpool stood at the ready, both of his katanas drawn, waiting for Sauron. “Uh…maybe he got lost.”
Suddenly, the prehistoric beast swooped in behind his assailant delivering a brutal strike to Deadpool’s back, knocking him down and sending him sliding across the ground. Security began to open fire but a few strikes from Sauron’s large talons sent them reeling back. “Puny mortals, I will crush you all beneath my feet. First, however, I must deal with this mutant pest.” Sauron moved closer to Deadpool as he groggily picked himself up from the floor. “Do not try too hard to move, mutant. I have already begun draining you of energy. You have loads of it to spare but if I focus my full attention I can sap you of all of it.”
“Focus your full…attention…on me?” Deadpool groggily asked as he looked through the smoke and rubble that had become the park and laughed. “Keep on…focusing then…focus away…nothing but focusing right on…me.”
“Oh dear, what little of his mind that was left has already started to go.” Sauron sounded almost mournful, “might as well finish this quick, then.” The beast cackled as it continued to absorb energy.
Sauron’s attention was immediately drawn away, however, by a lone raptor who slashed at the pterodactyl’s back and began to bite into it. The beast wheeled around and began to tear at the raptor, this distraction was enough for Deadpool to stand back on his feet.
“Fire away, boys!” Deadpool yelled as he began to open fire on Sauron with his pistol, the security joining in.
“Imbeciles, you cannot stop Sauron!” The creature yelled as he flapped his large wings and prepared to take off.
Before Sauron could get far though, a large dart embedded itself in him and exploded, sending the beast falling back to the ground, unconscious. The security present cheered as Deadpool made his way towards the raptor.
“Thank you, old friend.” He said to the dinosaur as it looked at him and screeched before pouncing onto the would-be hero and beginning to tear into him.
“Should we…do something?” One of the security asked as they all looked on in horror.
“No need,” Esme Devoir said as she arrived on the scene, carrying a large rifle in one of her hands. “I was hoping I could use the explosive rounds on him too, but this is honestly so much better. You’ll tell us when you’re done bonding with the raptor, right Wade?” Esme chuckled at the screams she received in reply.
# # # # #
“In addition to the countless thousands of dollars in damage done to the park, I have been forced to turn Mr. Lykos over to the authorities lest they ask any questions.” Geoffrey Attenborough paced around his office as he lectured Deadpool, sitting in a chair, the torso on his spandex suit slashed open and covered in dried blood. “Not to mention the absurd amounts of money I’ll have to pay to get a veterinarian in here to make sure the dinosaurs are all okay. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a vet who is specialized in Savage Land creatures?”
The mercenary stared back at Attenborough, who clearly wanted an answer, “Am I getting paid or what?”
The park owner turned a bright red but restrained himself from lashing out in anger at the battered assassin. “Yes, it will be a significantly lowered pay as I deducted the damage Sauron caused due to you leading him into my park. Be thankful that is all I can prove you culpable of.”
“Culpable, now that is a fun word,” Deadpool said as he rose up from his seat and moved to face Attenborough. “I’m not always the brightest but I’ve only heard two people mention the Savage Land during this entire thing, you and Karl Lykos. Can you guess what you were both talking about when it came up?”
“What exactly are you implying, Mr. Wilson?” Geoffrey gave off an air of disgust that was clearly a ruse. Wade had experienced the genuine emotion enough to distinguish between the real thing and a put on.
“I’m not implying anything, other than the part where you stole those dinosaurs from the Savage Land to build your little park around.”
Attenborough laughed, “quite an accusation, it’s a shame you have no actual proof.”
“You want to bet?” Deadpool asked as he reached into the front of his spandex pants and pulled out a tape recorder. “I recorded this whole thing, buddy.” He pressed the play button but instead of hearing back the previous conversation both men were greeted to the grooving tune of “I Can’t Go for That.”
Geoffrey smiled and gave Deadpool a pat on the shoulder, “Right, well, it was a solid plan, Mr. Wilson but I still never said anything incriminating. Now, if you will kindly leave my office.”
Deadpool nodded and made his way out of the offices and onto the deck, where Esme Devoir stood looking towards the beach.
“So, I tricked you, you let me get mauled by a raptor. I’d say we’re about even, right?” He asked, leaning up against the railing to face Devoir.
“Sure, as long as ‘even’ means not having to see you again.” Esme deadpanned, her gaze never leaving the beach.
“Harsh but fair,” Deadpool said with a chuckle. “I was trying to do the ‘right thing’ but I guess I don’t really know what that is?” Esme remained silent and he shrugged and started to move away. “Anyway, excellent job nabbing Sauron, things would have gone much worse if you weren’t there.”
“I know,” she replied with a smirk. “I don’t really know what the ‘right thing’ is either. It’s kind of hard to figure it out when you work for shady people. I do know one thing that might help though.” She turned around to face the mercenary, “Next time you try to get dirt on someone you work for just plant a bug in their office.”
Deadpool laughed, “you’re pretty clever, Devoir. Hopefully you get a raise out of all this.”
“I’m working on it,” she replied as the Merc with the Mouth gave her a wave and the two parted ways.
“Well Wade, we had ourselves quite an adventure today, made some enemies, made some friends. Well, actually, it was mostly enemies, but the important thing is we had fun. Except for that part where I splattered myself in the ocean and that part with the raptor. Actually, this whole trip kind of sucked.” Deadpool looked out at the two guards who were waiting to escort him off the island and then took a quick look at a few boxes that were placed behind a nearby stand. They were boxes of “Dinosaur Island” shirts. “Well, maybe I’ll settle for a t-shirt.” He spoke to himself, digging through the box and picking out a shirt in his size, stuffing it in the back of his pants as he continued towards the guards. “I fucking hate amusement parks.”
Next: Old Flames and Old Friends
“Do you ever feel dirty?” Deadpool asked as he followed the reactionless, head of security, Esme Devoir.
“If this is your idea of a joke, Wilson, I don’t want to hear the punchline.”
“No, I mean, do you ever feel like you’re doing something bad just for some quick cash?” She didn’t respond which prompted him to continue on. “I don’t know, capturing someone so that they can be an attraction in a theme park just doesn’t seem like justice.”
“Probably best to not dwell on it,” was all he got in reply. “Besides, we’ve made it to the armory.”
The armory was a large room filled with an assortment of weapons, mostly firearms, walls were lined with pistols, shotguns, rifles and almost anything easily acquirable. Wade’s focus, however, immediately went to the pair of katanas that sat in the corner.
“Oh, my sweet babies, daddy has missed you very much.” Deadpool said as he ran over and scooped up his swords, placing them on his back before grabbing the belt that held his holstered pistols and a few “emergency” grenades. “Finally, I feel whole again.”
“How touching,” Esme deadpanned as she took a pistol from off the wall. “So, what was your plan?”
A brief silence was enough to convince her but Deadpool made it clear with words, “uh…plan? I…don’t normally do…that. I’m sort of a ‘figure it out in the moment’ guy.”
“Why am I not surprised,” Esme turned to face Deadpool. “The fact is Sauron is a big threat for two people to tackle alone. If we don’t go in with a plan we could easily die. Well, I could.”
“Look, your boss hired me because he obviously has faith in my abilities but if having a plan is going to make you feel better,” Deadpool strolled over to Esme and laid a hand on her shoulder. “You think of one and let me know how it goes.”
A fist rocketed itself into Deadpool’s jaw and sent him reeling backward. “Fine then, no plan, I look forward to using you as a human shield.” Esme yelled as she gathered the last of her supplies and stormed out the door.
“Glad we’re in agreement then,” Deadpool shouted back upon resetting his jaw.
# # # # #
It had been an hour since the duo set off in search of Sauron and they had scoured the entirety of the park finding no signs of the mutated scientist.
“Well, we’ve wasted over an hour now when I told you from the start that he wouldn’t be stupid enough to come back into the park.” Esme stated, frustration clear in her voice.
“Hey, it was worth a shot. Just because he’s some smart scientist guy doesn’t mean he wouldn’t come back to a place teeming with guards looking for him. I mean, if he was really smart he’d have figured out that pterodactyl thing by now.”
“Whatever, what are we going to do now? I suggest taking one of the boats and checking for him on nearby land. He probably didn’t go too far.”
“Uh…yeah, you go ready the boat, I’m gonna keep looking around.” Deadpool said as he kept his glance away from Esme.
“Do you think I’m an idiot? What about anything you have done so far would make me believe that I could trust you on your own?”
“Okay, I’m gonna ignore these hurt feelings for a second and mention that I just saw Sauron flying overhead.” He said, pointing out to the skyline but nothing was there. “Okay…I swear he was just there!”
Esme stared up at the sky and then back to Deadpool, “If you are lying, I will find the most painful ways to murder you.”
“I am not lying about this let’s go get the boat!” Deadpool began running westward as Esme chased after him.
“Hey, you don’t even know where the boats are.” The words came out of her mouth and back around to her ears as she realized the deception. Esme picked up the pace and chased after him. “I’m going to kill you, Wade Wilson!”
# # # # #
“There has to be a way to free these creatures.” Karl Lykos spoke only to himself, the tattered remains of his clothing hanging loosely from him. He sat in a small cavern off of the coast of the island attempting, in vain, to think of a plan. “I can’t go back into the park without being noticed, perhaps I should call in a favor from the other Mutates-“ his thinking was cutoff as he looked to the entrance of the cavern. “I know you are here, mutant, please leave.”
“Well, so much for my cool entrance,” Deadpool said as he walked into the entrance of the cave. “Look, I’m not here to stop you. I mean, I will if you pull that pterodactyl stuff, but I want to help you.”
Lykos backed up further into the cavern as the mercenary approached, “y-you want to help? Fine, help by leaving. I told you before, only terrible things will come from you hanging around me.”
“Wow, that’s pretty rude. Look, you want to free these dinosaurs, I get that.” Deadpool reached into his spandex pants before pulling out a small device with a switch on it. “I led that security chick around the park and placed explosives on some of the cages when she wasn’t watching. Give me the go ahead and I can free all of them.”
Lykos stared back at Deadpool in disbelief, “are you insane?! You can’t…use that in a crowded park…”
“No need to freak out, Karl, or Sauron or whatever you prefer, we don’t have to blow these bad boys until the park closes for the night.” Concerned, Deadpool moved closer into the cavern. “Hey, are you alright, you look all pale and sweaty. Kind of like you did right before…”
“Are you…seriously this stupid…how can you not know?” Lykos asked as he clutched at himself and backed into the cavern wall. “No time to explain…need to leave…before Sauron.”
Suddenly, a bullet lodged itself into Deadpool’s chest as he staggered forward a bit before turning around.
“That’s for leading me around like a damn chimp,” Esme declared as she pointed the gun at Lykos. “Now then, Deadpool, Mr. Lykos is correct, you need to leave before-“
“There is no before, I have arrived!” Sauron declared as Lykos transformed into the prehistoric creature.
“Great job, Devoir, I had this under control until you showed up.” Deadpool shouted standing back up to face the beast. “Listen, if you’re gonna attack anyone, attack her.”
Sauron let out a screech and flew themselves towards Deadpool scooping him up with their feet and causing the masked assassin to drop the small device as it fell, switch first, on the ground.
“Well, should have seen this coming. Why do they always make explosive switches so big and easy to set off?” Deadpool mused as a low rumble shook the roof of the cave.
“Wilson, what the hell did you do!?” Esme shouted as she fired her weapon at Sauron. The creature’s large wings pushed her into the wall as the beast flew out of the cavern, Deadpool still in its grasp.
“Boy, this is a real déjà vu scenario, eh?” Deadpool yelled as he pulled one of his arms free from Sauron’s grip. “The only difference is this time I’ve got weapons.” Pulling one of his pistols from its holster, the mercenary plugged his entire clip into the beast. Sauron roared and loosened their grip on the mutant, allowing him to fall onto the beach below.
The source of the earlier rumbling was now clear as smoke billowed from the park gates, panicked screams could be heard from within, mixed with the ear-popping roars of various prehistoric relics, once captive and now freed.
“Well, this has taken a turn,” Deadpool mused as he dusted himself off and turned to face Sauron, who was doubling back in his direction. “Listen, do we have to do this still? You got what you wanted, the dinosaurs are free…kind of. I’ll be honest I didn’t actually think through this plan outside of the explosion part. I figured you’d deal with that.” Drawing his katanas, the merc sliced at the approaching creature sending them reeling upwards at the last minute.
“Idiot, have you learned nothing, I am not the same as that fool Karl Lykos.” Sauron turned back around and raced towards his target as he spoke.
“Wait…you guys are different personalities? Wow, in retrospect, that makes way more sense than what I was thinking.” Deadpool ran to meet the Pteranodon, sliding at the last moment to get under and past the flying creature. “Just a hair too slow, Sauron, old chum.” Deadpool shouted back as he ran for the park, still engulfed in smoke and flame. Rushing past crowds of tourist as they hurriedly made their way out of the park, Deadpool ran into the entrance of the park, past the now desecrated gates and past the security, who were currently attempting to hold back some of the small dinosaurs. “Heads up, folks, large pterodactyl coming our way.” Deadpool stood at the ready, both of his katanas drawn, waiting for Sauron. “Uh…maybe he got lost.”
Suddenly, the prehistoric beast swooped in behind his assailant delivering a brutal strike to Deadpool’s back, knocking him down and sending him sliding across the ground. Security began to open fire but a few strikes from Sauron’s large talons sent them reeling back. “Puny mortals, I will crush you all beneath my feet. First, however, I must deal with this mutant pest.” Sauron moved closer to Deadpool as he groggily picked himself up from the floor. “Do not try too hard to move, mutant. I have already begun draining you of energy. You have loads of it to spare but if I focus my full attention I can sap you of all of it.”
“Focus your full…attention…on me?” Deadpool groggily asked as he looked through the smoke and rubble that had become the park and laughed. “Keep on…focusing then…focus away…nothing but focusing right on…me.”
“Oh dear, what little of his mind that was left has already started to go.” Sauron sounded almost mournful, “might as well finish this quick, then.” The beast cackled as it continued to absorb energy.
Sauron’s attention was immediately drawn away, however, by a lone raptor who slashed at the pterodactyl’s back and began to bite into it. The beast wheeled around and began to tear at the raptor, this distraction was enough for Deadpool to stand back on his feet.
“Fire away, boys!” Deadpool yelled as he began to open fire on Sauron with his pistol, the security joining in.
“Imbeciles, you cannot stop Sauron!” The creature yelled as he flapped his large wings and prepared to take off.
Before Sauron could get far though, a large dart embedded itself in him and exploded, sending the beast falling back to the ground, unconscious. The security present cheered as Deadpool made his way towards the raptor.
“Thank you, old friend.” He said to the dinosaur as it looked at him and screeched before pouncing onto the would-be hero and beginning to tear into him.
“Should we…do something?” One of the security asked as they all looked on in horror.
“No need,” Esme Devoir said as she arrived on the scene, carrying a large rifle in one of her hands. “I was hoping I could use the explosive rounds on him too, but this is honestly so much better. You’ll tell us when you’re done bonding with the raptor, right Wade?” Esme chuckled at the screams she received in reply.
# # # # #
“In addition to the countless thousands of dollars in damage done to the park, I have been forced to turn Mr. Lykos over to the authorities lest they ask any questions.” Geoffrey Attenborough paced around his office as he lectured Deadpool, sitting in a chair, the torso on his spandex suit slashed open and covered in dried blood. “Not to mention the absurd amounts of money I’ll have to pay to get a veterinarian in here to make sure the dinosaurs are all okay. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a vet who is specialized in Savage Land creatures?”
The mercenary stared back at Attenborough, who clearly wanted an answer, “Am I getting paid or what?”
The park owner turned a bright red but restrained himself from lashing out in anger at the battered assassin. “Yes, it will be a significantly lowered pay as I deducted the damage Sauron caused due to you leading him into my park. Be thankful that is all I can prove you culpable of.”
“Culpable, now that is a fun word,” Deadpool said as he rose up from his seat and moved to face Attenborough. “I’m not always the brightest but I’ve only heard two people mention the Savage Land during this entire thing, you and Karl Lykos. Can you guess what you were both talking about when it came up?”
“What exactly are you implying, Mr. Wilson?” Geoffrey gave off an air of disgust that was clearly a ruse. Wade had experienced the genuine emotion enough to distinguish between the real thing and a put on.
“I’m not implying anything, other than the part where you stole those dinosaurs from the Savage Land to build your little park around.”
Attenborough laughed, “quite an accusation, it’s a shame you have no actual proof.”
“You want to bet?” Deadpool asked as he reached into the front of his spandex pants and pulled out a tape recorder. “I recorded this whole thing, buddy.” He pressed the play button but instead of hearing back the previous conversation both men were greeted to the grooving tune of “I Can’t Go for That.”
Geoffrey smiled and gave Deadpool a pat on the shoulder, “Right, well, it was a solid plan, Mr. Wilson but I still never said anything incriminating. Now, if you will kindly leave my office.”
Deadpool nodded and made his way out of the offices and onto the deck, where Esme Devoir stood looking towards the beach.
“So, I tricked you, you let me get mauled by a raptor. I’d say we’re about even, right?” He asked, leaning up against the railing to face Devoir.
“Sure, as long as ‘even’ means not having to see you again.” Esme deadpanned, her gaze never leaving the beach.
“Harsh but fair,” Deadpool said with a chuckle. “I was trying to do the ‘right thing’ but I guess I don’t really know what that is?” Esme remained silent and he shrugged and started to move away. “Anyway, excellent job nabbing Sauron, things would have gone much worse if you weren’t there.”
“I know,” she replied with a smirk. “I don’t really know what the ‘right thing’ is either. It’s kind of hard to figure it out when you work for shady people. I do know one thing that might help though.” She turned around to face the mercenary, “Next time you try to get dirt on someone you work for just plant a bug in their office.”
Deadpool laughed, “you’re pretty clever, Devoir. Hopefully you get a raise out of all this.”
“I’m working on it,” she replied as the Merc with the Mouth gave her a wave and the two parted ways.
“Well Wade, we had ourselves quite an adventure today, made some enemies, made some friends. Well, actually, it was mostly enemies, but the important thing is we had fun. Except for that part where I splattered myself in the ocean and that part with the raptor. Actually, this whole trip kind of sucked.” Deadpool looked out at the two guards who were waiting to escort him off the island and then took a quick look at a few boxes that were placed behind a nearby stand. They were boxes of “Dinosaur Island” shirts. “Well, maybe I’ll settle for a t-shirt.” He spoke to himself, digging through the box and picking out a shirt in his size, stuffing it in the back of his pants as he continued towards the guards. “I fucking hate amusement parks.”
Next: Old Flames and Old Friends