Back to GatefoldIssue #8 by Dino Pollard
"The Mega-Confusing Issue" |
Once again, I'm George. To recap, Wade Wilson, who's also the Molecule Man, who's also Deadpool, who's also a symbiote salesman, who's also... well, you get the idea. Anyway, he came with me to this universe, which is supposed to be his home universe. I took him to the apartment he lived in, but he didn't recognize it.
Which means something's wrong. Why wouldn't Deadpool recognize his own apartment? After he started to piss me off, I was prepared to kill him when the door burst open. Who was standing there but--Wade Wilson. Sound confusing? Well, strap yourself in, because it just gets worse from here...*
(* It all happened in the last issue -- Dino)
# # # # #
"Waaaaaaitasecond..." the new Wade said. "There can't be TWO Wade Wilsons!! And whaddaya mean he's the Molecule Man!! I'm not the Molecule Man!!"
"Umm... err... but I AM Wade Wilson!!" the old Wade exclaimed. "Back me up, George. That computer-thingy of yours said that I was Wade Wilson!"*
(* Issue #5--Dino)
"Well... yes... But.... it also said you were the Molecule Man and...."
I confess, there's a reason I brought him to this reality. After I found out this guy was the Molecule Man, I knew something wasn't right. That's why I brought him to this reality. He doesn't recognize his own apartment, and now, another Deadpool bursts in. So basically, one of these guys is a fake--and I bet I know which one.
I reach into my beard (God knows what else has been hiding out in there...) and pull out my little Pocket Pro.
"Computer, identify," I say, holding it in front of the new Deadpool.
<< Designate: Wade Wilson. Sub-Designate: Deadpool. Location: Earth 616. >>
"Identify again," I repeat, holding it to the old Deadpool.
<< Designate: Wade Wilson. Sub-Designate: Molecule Man. Location: Earth 616. >>
"Well, that proves that," I say as I put the Pocket Pro back in my beard. I turn to the old Deadpool. "You're the fake."
"Heh..." he replied. "Well... I... uhm... ahh @#$% it."
I watch in stunned silence as the old Deadpool's body changes, and he becomes--the MOLECULE MAN!!!*
(* Bet ya didn't see that one coming -- Dino)
While I'm watching him do all these amazing things, I can't help but wonder HOW he got a bigger ILM budget.
"Hey, you!!" Deadpool shouts. "The guy with the beard!! What the @#$% is going on here?!"
"I can tell you that," Molecule Man said. "Y'see, before the first issue, my powers became even more... powerful. So, I decided to impersonate you. Turns out, that I got myself wrapped up in some cosmic battle."
"Why?" Deadpool asked.
"I was bored."
"Yeah, that'd be my reason, too."
"So... now what do we do?"
"Well... there can't be TWO Wade Wilsons in ONE universe!!" I shout. "So that means you guys'll hafta fight for it. And I know just the place..."
I snap my fingers, and thanks to my huge special effects budget, we're transported in a really cool light effect.
# # # # #
"Welcome to MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch!! I'm Johnny Gomez, and this is my co-host, Nick Diamond!"
"Hi there! Well Johnny, we've got one helluva match in store for you fans."
"That's right, Nick. Tonight, Deadpool will be facing off against the Molecule Man to determine once and for all who gets the title of Wade Wilson, and who becomes a bloody smear."
"And considering Wade's track record in the past, it's a very difficult choice, Johnny."
"Now, let's head down to the ring where Mills Lane is ready and waiting."
# # # # #
"Hey... why am I made out of clay?" Deadpool asked, looking at his body.
"This has gotta be the crappiest form of animation ever," Molecule Man stated.
"All right, you two, here are the rules," Mills Lane began. "I want a nice, clean, bloody, gruesome fight. You got that?"
"How can it be nice and clean and bloody and gruesome at the same time...?" Molecule Man asked.
"Enough of your lip!!" Mills Lane shouted. "Let's get it on!!"
With that, the bell rung and Mills Lane stepped out of the ring.
"You have no hope of stopping me, Deadpool!!" Molecule Man exclaimed. "With my vast powers, I can't lose."
"Oh my... you're so right..." Deadpool stated. "How do your powers work again?"
"Well, I can control the molecules of my body so I'm able to manipulate them in any fashion I wish. I can do virtually anything with them, including turning various parts of my body into different things, such as water. I can even manipulate my own molecules to the point where I can shape-shif--"
"Hey, Moley," Deadpool stated. "While you were explaining your powers, I rigged your body to several tons of C4."
"WHAT?!" Molecule Man exclaimed.
"SUCKER!!!" Deadpool shouted as he detonated the explosives. Molecule Man exploded, sending blood and guts flying everywhere with the claymation crowd cheering.
"The winnah!!" Mills Lane exclaimed as he lifted up Deadpool's arm. "DEADPOOL---now also known as Slade Wilson!!"
"That's WADE Wilson!!!" Deadpool exclaimed as he hurled Mills Lane against the ropes and shot him several times. "Hey, Georgie-Boy!! Aren't we done here yet?"
I sigh and stand up from the crowd.
"Yeah, let's get going."
"Hey... does your beard have any relation to Alan Moore...?"
"Well, that's it for MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch. I'm Johnny Gomez."
"And I'm Nick Diamond. Good night everybody, and drive safely."
NEXT ISSUE: The real Deadpool is back, but what about George? And what about George Clooney? Will he ever be in another comic book movie after Batman & Robin?
Which means something's wrong. Why wouldn't Deadpool recognize his own apartment? After he started to piss me off, I was prepared to kill him when the door burst open. Who was standing there but--Wade Wilson. Sound confusing? Well, strap yourself in, because it just gets worse from here...*
(* It all happened in the last issue -- Dino)
# # # # #
"Waaaaaaitasecond..." the new Wade said. "There can't be TWO Wade Wilsons!! And whaddaya mean he's the Molecule Man!! I'm not the Molecule Man!!"
"Umm... err... but I AM Wade Wilson!!" the old Wade exclaimed. "Back me up, George. That computer-thingy of yours said that I was Wade Wilson!"*
(* Issue #5--Dino)
"Well... yes... But.... it also said you were the Molecule Man and...."
I confess, there's a reason I brought him to this reality. After I found out this guy was the Molecule Man, I knew something wasn't right. That's why I brought him to this reality. He doesn't recognize his own apartment, and now, another Deadpool bursts in. So basically, one of these guys is a fake--and I bet I know which one.
I reach into my beard (God knows what else has been hiding out in there...) and pull out my little Pocket Pro.
"Computer, identify," I say, holding it in front of the new Deadpool.
<< Designate: Wade Wilson. Sub-Designate: Deadpool. Location: Earth 616. >>
"Identify again," I repeat, holding it to the old Deadpool.
<< Designate: Wade Wilson. Sub-Designate: Molecule Man. Location: Earth 616. >>
"Well, that proves that," I say as I put the Pocket Pro back in my beard. I turn to the old Deadpool. "You're the fake."
"Heh..." he replied. "Well... I... uhm... ahh @#$% it."
I watch in stunned silence as the old Deadpool's body changes, and he becomes--the MOLECULE MAN!!!*
(* Bet ya didn't see that one coming -- Dino)
While I'm watching him do all these amazing things, I can't help but wonder HOW he got a bigger ILM budget.
"Hey, you!!" Deadpool shouts. "The guy with the beard!! What the @#$% is going on here?!"
"I can tell you that," Molecule Man said. "Y'see, before the first issue, my powers became even more... powerful. So, I decided to impersonate you. Turns out, that I got myself wrapped up in some cosmic battle."
"Why?" Deadpool asked.
"I was bored."
"Yeah, that'd be my reason, too."
"So... now what do we do?"
"Well... there can't be TWO Wade Wilsons in ONE universe!!" I shout. "So that means you guys'll hafta fight for it. And I know just the place..."
I snap my fingers, and thanks to my huge special effects budget, we're transported in a really cool light effect.
# # # # #
"Welcome to MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch!! I'm Johnny Gomez, and this is my co-host, Nick Diamond!"
"Hi there! Well Johnny, we've got one helluva match in store for you fans."
"That's right, Nick. Tonight, Deadpool will be facing off against the Molecule Man to determine once and for all who gets the title of Wade Wilson, and who becomes a bloody smear."
"And considering Wade's track record in the past, it's a very difficult choice, Johnny."
"Now, let's head down to the ring where Mills Lane is ready and waiting."
# # # # #
"Hey... why am I made out of clay?" Deadpool asked, looking at his body.
"This has gotta be the crappiest form of animation ever," Molecule Man stated.
"All right, you two, here are the rules," Mills Lane began. "I want a nice, clean, bloody, gruesome fight. You got that?"
"How can it be nice and clean and bloody and gruesome at the same time...?" Molecule Man asked.
"Enough of your lip!!" Mills Lane shouted. "Let's get it on!!"
With that, the bell rung and Mills Lane stepped out of the ring.
"You have no hope of stopping me, Deadpool!!" Molecule Man exclaimed. "With my vast powers, I can't lose."
"Oh my... you're so right..." Deadpool stated. "How do your powers work again?"
"Well, I can control the molecules of my body so I'm able to manipulate them in any fashion I wish. I can do virtually anything with them, including turning various parts of my body into different things, such as water. I can even manipulate my own molecules to the point where I can shape-shif--"
"Hey, Moley," Deadpool stated. "While you were explaining your powers, I rigged your body to several tons of C4."
"WHAT?!" Molecule Man exclaimed.
"SUCKER!!!" Deadpool shouted as he detonated the explosives. Molecule Man exploded, sending blood and guts flying everywhere with the claymation crowd cheering.
"The winnah!!" Mills Lane exclaimed as he lifted up Deadpool's arm. "DEADPOOL---now also known as Slade Wilson!!"
"That's WADE Wilson!!!" Deadpool exclaimed as he hurled Mills Lane against the ropes and shot him several times. "Hey, Georgie-Boy!! Aren't we done here yet?"
I sigh and stand up from the crowd.
"Yeah, let's get going."
"Hey... does your beard have any relation to Alan Moore...?"
"Well, that's it for MTV's Celebrity Deathmatch. I'm Johnny Gomez."
"And I'm Nick Diamond. Good night everybody, and drive safely."
NEXT ISSUE: The real Deadpool is back, but what about George? And what about George Clooney? Will he ever be in another comic book movie after Batman & Robin?