Issue #5(June 2020)
Written by John Cheese Featuring: Flintlock
Silver Sidewinder
Centurius
Hooded Haunt
Mala Mujer
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Chemistro lunged for the case as it dropped, even as Flintlock braced herself to be at the centre of a maelstrom of weirdness. Hitting the floor, a pulse of energy washed over the little town like a tsunami held back for too long flooding the streets with reality altering energy. Struggling to free herself from the spear pinning her to the wall, Rachel saw Chemistro pick up the case and turn away only to stop, a gun placed against his head.
“Son, I saw you take that case from that harlot.” The transparent figure dressed like he’d just escaped from the Old West stated. “We don’t take kindly to thieves in these parts.” It added as Chemistro brought his alchemy pistol up level with the figure. Opening fire, the beam of energy passed through the phantasmal force and struck a door on a building across the square turning it to pure gold. “Nero, we have ghosts!” Chemistro yelled, as Mike Nero AKA the Enforcer lifted up his mask and watched as two spectral messengers riding on ghost horses rode past. “Not ghosts, these are temporal echoes. Also, duck.” Nero informed as Rachel freed herself and swung the spear at Chemistro, the villain ducking at the right moment to see the spear swing over his head. Spinning around Chemistro levelled his weapon at Rachel, only for her to kick it out of his hand and tackle him to the ground. “Spirits of Helheim.” The Heathen gasped as he nonchalantly grabbed Ronin’s blade as it swung towards him and twisted it out of her hand. “Truly there is great magic in that case you carry Lady Flintlock.” “Not magic it’s a Class 7 Reality…” Flintlock groaned only for Chemistro to headbutt her and knock her backwards. Taking the momentary advantage, he grabbed the case, sidestepped the spirit and headed to where Nero was still watching the echoes wander around as if nothing had happened. Stopping half way he saw a wooden fist swing at him a little too late as the Living Totem got to its feet and smashed the fleeing felon to the floor. “Totem no!” Rachel called as she saw the Living Totem lift the case and begin to pry it open with wooden fingers. “You promised me.” The Living Totem creaked as he saw a glimmer of something inside the case, the lock straining as the power of the earth moved it micrometer by micrometer. “Not like this.” Rachel pleaded as the sound of cursing and spitting sounded, causing all the assorted mercenaries to turn to look at the source of the disturbance. There wrestling on the floor were the Headhunter and Silver Sidewinder, the two women pulling each other’s hair whilst scratching and slapping at each other’s face. “Nice cat fight.” Chemistro mused as he went to snatch the case, only to get stomped on by the Living Totem. “You stole him, you had no right.” Silver Sidewinder announced in her normal accent as she slapped the Headhunter hard. “He liked me better!” Headhunter replied in a matching accent. “Besides you were moving on already.” “Hmm it looks like the echoes contain memories, that when housed in a human body respond to certain actions and situations.” Nero mused as he went over to the women. “Fascinating but not why we’re here.” He added as he kicked Sidewinder off his teammate and helped Gillette to her feet. “A gentlemen indeed, now how about you and I head upstairs and make some magic hon.” Gillette purred in the same accent. “I’ll even take a bath for you honey.” She added as the Heathen swatted at a drunken spirit swaggering up the road, mist coming off him as it engulfed and merged with his form. “Looks like there’s strangers in town.” The new echo possessed Heathen belched as he swung his arms round, knocking Ronin head first through an echo of a young man dressed like a cowboy walking towards Headhunter and Silver Sidewinder. Straightening up she looked at the two women, and then at the Enforcer as he tried to keep them separated. “Juliet, Simone, that cowpoke bothering you?” Ronin asked with a Mid-West drawl. “Because he’s in trouble if he is.” “Knock him out Jack.” Sidewinder called as she struggled out of the Enforcer’s grasp, slapping him hard. “Lock him up Jack.” Headhunter added as she repeated the motion, spitting on her captor for good measure as Ronin walked up. “Sheroke I’m not going to fight you.” The Enforcer stated seconds before Ronin decked him hard, knocking him to the ground. Looking on, Rachel turned to the Living Totem and shook her head in embarrassment and disgust. “You open that up here and now and worse will happen.” Rachel told him as she saw Chemistro crawl away to lean against a building, the fight seemingly stamped out of him. “I will help you, but first we need to stop this!” She added as some of the echoes started a brawl next to where the cat calling harlot possessed Headhunter and Silver Sidewinder were hooked on Ronin’s arms. Looking down at her with wooden features but an all too human expression the Living Totem nodded and handed Rachel the case. “Your promise, you’d better keep it.” The Totem stated as he looked around at the madness with a hint of amusement on his face. “As long as I can.” Rachel sighed before looking over at the school bus. “Now how do we get the crazy gang onto the bus.” Headhunter AKA Gillette Wilkinson AKA the echo of Simone spat and hissed as Rachel kicked her off the bus and closed the door. Starting the engine, she looked in the rear-view mirror and saw the Totem wrestle the Heathen into a seat, all while Ronin and Silver Sidewinder were already stripping off, stopping only to periodically embrace each other, before going back to stripping their clothes off. “This isn’t going to be pretty.” She sighed as she gunned the bus north, the motion causing all the other parties to stop what they were doing and look around with fear and amazement for a second, before resuming their echo-controlled actions. “This horseless stage coach will take us to the border?” The Living Totem asked as Rachel saw the blue and yellow armoured figure of the Spear vault off the bell tower and skid down the roof before firing a projectile hooked up to a zip line into the bus. “If we don’t get stabbed to death.” Rachel sighed as the Enforcer came gunning after them on a beat-up motorcycle, his MP7 machine pistol already drawn and ready to fire. “Or shot.” She added as the Enforcer drew level and fired a broadside into the bus, bullet holes shattering the windows. “<HIC> Watch it you drunken varmint!” The Heathen bellowed as he unbuckled his seatbelt and fell sideward onto the floor. In the back-seat Ronin and Silver Sidewinder, now completely naked didn’t even stop their carnal passions, groaning seductively. “Wonder how long this lasts.” Rachel groaned as she spun the wheel left, nudging the bike and forcing the Enforcer to latch onto the side of the vehicle, the bike skidding away with a thud. Seconds later a second thud sounded, and the Spear landed on the roof to the bus, his trident drawn as he made his way to the front of the vehicle. “We have boarders.” The Living Totem stated calmly as he stepped over Heathen and smashed his fist through the window, almost knocking the Enforcer off the bus. Responding swiftly the Enforcer swung back to face the open window and dropped a grenade through the glass, the projectile belching thick grey smoke as it rolled to the back of the bus. “Tear Gas?!” Rachel spat as she saw Spear’s shadow loom over the road in-front of her. Slamming on the brakes, the grenade rolled forward, and Spear flipped off the front of the bus, just about digging his trident into the hood, struggling to stay attached to the vehicle. Holding her breath, Rachel fired a shot with her pistol, the blast knocking Spear off the bus and under the fuselage, his trident breaking off as he fell. “Totem…the grenade.” Rachel wheezed as the wooden men walked up the aisle and threw the grenade out through the blasted windshield. “What the fuck!” A voice called from the back of the bus. Looking in the rear-view mirror Rachel saw Ronin grab Sidewinder’s gun and level it at her abductors. “You gaijin are all sick!” She snapped as she grabbed her gi and held it across her breast and crotch. “About that long.” The Living Totem creaked as he pulled his rifle out and aimed it at Ronin. “But Jack…” Sidewinder groaned only for Ronin to smack her in the head with her own pistol. “Here’s how its going to go down!” Ronin ordered as the Enforcer began to heave himself through the broken window. “My associate is going to take the case. Any moves and the statue and the whore get it!” She demanded as the Spear crawled up the back of the bus, his armour and helmet dented, a bronze spear in his hands. “Then you are going to stop, open the doors and let us off.” “Have it your way.” Rachel replied as she slammed on the brakes, the bus slamming to a stop that sent Spear tumbling forward into a naked Ronin knocking her down and causing her gun to skid across the floor. Cursing in Japanese, Ronin crawled towards the Heathen and the handgun she’d policed. Reaching the weapon, she saw the Heathen sit up and smile at her. “Why doth all the maidens in this realm seem to appear before me naked?” He asked as he grabbed the gun and got to his feet. As he did the Enforcer opened fire, his rounds bouncing off the brutish form of the strongman, moving backwards towards Rachel and the case on the front seat. As he reached the bounty he swung round and placed the weapon at the driver’s head. “Look I don’t want to do this but I will!” The Enforcer yelled as the Spear and Ronin struggled to their feet. “My guys get up here, other guys, weapons down, sit down and stay back!” He commanded as the Heathen and Living Totem swung their weapons round before taking a seat on either side of the aisle. Moaning softly Silver Sidewinder lunged forward grabbing Ronin. “Jack I love you.” She purred as a slight silver glint shone for a second. “Whorish fool, get back!” Ronin snapped as Spear joined the Enforcer at the front of the bus. “Shoot her Nero.” “She’s echo possessed, not a threat.” The Enforcer answered as Ronin stalked down the aisle of the bus. “Daniels, the cas…” Before he could finish, Ronin lunged at her allies, her eyes flashing silver flattening them against the door of the bus. Not wasting any time Rachel stepped on the gas and opened the door, the three villains tumbling out onto the asphalt. “Nice work Sidewinder, I didn’t even see you come back to your senses.” Rachel added, as Spear and the Enforcer got up, levelled their weapons at the bus and then stepped off the road. “And our stagecoach doth roll onwards.” The Heathen joyously cheered as Silver Sidewinder began to get dressed again. “But I do worry what will strike next; dark elves maybe, or howling demons, maybe a mechanical man that doth stand many stories.” He contemplated as he rung his hands and stretched out onto the seat next to him. “If we have any luck boarder control.” Rachel replied as she looked at the straight featureless road ahead of her. “At least there will be a phone I can use.” She added, not daring to look at the timer counting down on the lid of the case. Centurius held his finger over the ‘conference call’ button hesitating to press it. By now he was certain that the Hooded Haunt’s agent had failed to reclaim the case, and while at least he wasn’t paying her, he knew he now had to call in other operatives or abandon the chase entirely. Counting to three he pressed the button and watched as the skull like face of the Hooded Haunt and the rough angular and militaristic features of Firefight, another member of the Conspiracy’s Inner Circle appeared on screen. “Afternoon Doc, I got your brief and have a few guns lined up ready to move.” Firefight announced as he gave a brisk salute. “I assume you’ll be providing transportation Haunt?” He asked, his gaze focused on Centurius. “Perhaps, regardless I need your agents at the interception point ready to intercept the package.” Centurius stated as he brought up the profiles of the men and women Firefight was sending. “Bring it to me personally Firefight, I have had too many idiots mess this up. Silver Sidewinder went AWOL and the Mala Mujer that Hooded Haunt supplied is missing as well.” “Should she surface without the case I will ensure she is punished.” The Hooded Haunt groaned, blood dripping from his screen as he left the call. “It doesn’t matter, tell your men that they will be paid five times the going rate for this kind of job.” Centurius stated as he swiped through the profiles. “We have opposition as well, a neo-confederate group the Minutemen are tracking the case’s current holder, and Crossfire’s pitiful bastards have also taken a shot and failed.” “My guys are loaded for bear, we’re going to head out and set up the killbox. Should things change let us know.” Firefight stated as he ended the call and turned to the five figures sparring in the gym below under the eyes of one of his drill sergeants. “We’re a go, grab your gear and meet back here in ten, the Chairman was right; Centurius fucked up, the Hooded Haunt fucked up, now its our turn. We bring this case back or we die out there. Dismissed!” “The RAID luxury gunship known as the Pale Horse dropped out of the clouds and landed next to the highway where the three figures were seated. Opening the door, the Headhunter stood at the top of the stairs and looked down at the beaten-up figures of her operatives. “Well looks like the chase is on.” She sighed as the Enforcer led Ronin and Spear up the steps into the gunship. “I trust everything went as planned.” “It looked real of that’s what your asking.” Ronin replied as she sat next to Chemistro, his face bandaged and bruised. “Your conditioning worked, Silver Sidewinder fell into line without even realising you’d planted the post-hypnotic orders.” The Enforcer informed her as he stored his weapons. “The rest was making it look authentic.” “Good, and I assume the tracker you planted on the case is transmitting?” The Head Hunter asked as a grey gas-masked figure with red glowing eyes phased through the floor of the gunship. “They never even knew I was there.” The Ghost stated through his triple filtered voice masker. “Once they get across the border, they will reach our secondary ambush site.” “And that’s when the trap closes.” Headhunter purred as she walked into the cockpit. “The jaws are already around them; all they need to do is step on the pressure plate.” |